| I'm still here. A lot has been going on. Xanga is pretty much no fun now. I miss the private messages I use to get. Myspace is much more cool if anyone wants to check it. I will try to update this as much as possible. I love ya guys! |
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| I know I'm not the best person in the world. I'm actually probably the worst. I have left my friends for my boyfriend, what a horrible thing right? My heart is broken right now, not from one person, but I set myself up. This is all my fault that I feel alone now. It's all my fault that I can be the biggest bitch. I suffer the consciences by being ignored and hated by my once best friends. Everything that met so much to me is gone now and I feel like all that happens now is that I can only go up instead of down. Deep down inside I want to rip my heart out throw it on the ground and step on it myself so it would stop aching. Then I want to go to a mental institute so people can be gental with me. I think I'm done crying, I'm just quiet now. I don't do what a did a few months ago and that makes me feel really good to know that I can be strong. The thing is, I don't know if I can be strong on my own. I need someone there for me. I need that HUGE hug that tells me it will be okay and then you don't have to say a word. I have hurt so many people and I'm sorry for that. Sorry for lying and standing others up to do something "more" important. Sorry for wasting my tears on nothing to cry about. I take others people's hearts and throw them on the ground and step on them, until they beat no longer as well. I say things I don't mean, I say them just so you will leave me alone. Hopefully everyone can forgive me for all these flaws I have. I'm changing inside and it isn't good. My heart is really black to be honest with you. It is more black than that girls black lip stick. When I cry more goes on inside and so many parts of my heart are gone now. This isn't a sympothy post or anything. It's a post to let you know whats wrong and applogizing so no one thinks something is wrong with me everyday. I have this issue where I think I HAVE to be loved by a guy. It's like I can't be alone because if not I'm not loved. Well I believe I was really loved by this guy. I broke his heart tonight and honestly crushed it. This is my own fault I suppose but now I'm depressed again, whats new, and the quietness has already begun. I'm really sorry Austin for hurting you, I still love you more than life its self and hope you feel the same way. Things really have been bad and I understand why you aren't enjoying life right now. So many bad things are going on its hard to even think of good things. I have now made your life worse and if you don't want to forgive me in any way, thats okay I guess. I just want you to be happy and when you aren't I worry and wonder about you. You mean so much to me and you deserve so much better. Hopefully soon you can turn your phone on or get online so we can talk, I miss you. I love you Austin! |
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| My feet hurt so bad.
Work is going okay I guess, takes up a lot of Sarah time.
I really need to put a smile on. I may just need time to rest or something. I don't know but I'm exhausted.
Well its kind of late and I'm tired so I'm going to go sleep.
Sarah
 I love you Jessica<3!
 Jessica and Cody
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| Ello.
I haven't posted in a long time so I figured I would tonight.
This weekend has been so awesome. Yesterday I went to Austin's for quite awhile, we ordered pizza and just hung out. Today I hung out with him as well and he came over to eat dinner with me.
Jessica didn't get to come down this weekend but its okay, she's coming down soon. Cody and her seem so happy together, I hope they get married. She broke her hand recently so she hasn't been able to work for a few days. She is very missed.
Well Zoolander is on so I'm going to go watch it!
<3 Sarah |
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